daphne_waiting

2012-02-05T21:19:00.008+08:00

After so many years, after so much of experience gained, after so much effort put in, I am still the stubborn little girl whom thought I can win everytime.

Without knowing, I am just an adult with stubborn thoughts.

Without knowing, I lost every precious thing because of those stubborn thoughts.

Without knowing, I stood at the same position few years back.

Who says time can allow one to forget the person he/she loved the most?

Who says pain will be heal as time goes by?

Who says when love approached grab it with your full strength will do?

Who says one must face his/her heart sincerely?

Who says?

The only best thing I can praise about myself is,

I am able to find ways convincing myself.

No matter what, I have ways to tell myself I am still able to hold on, I can't collapse any moment, I still got to hang in there.

I can't bring myself to grumble anything, because there is no one by my side to listen all my complains.

I knew it on the day I decided.

I foreseen that I will suffer, get hurt, continue waiting, believing, lost the battle.

But I also known, whatever I done are all worth it.

All because that person worth it.

Thanks, it made me wake my senses up clearly.

Finally a clean-cut answer given, so I am going to work hard for it.

But I have this intuition that after I changed, you will changed too.

No matter what will happen, I am willing to try.

Four years ain't short, just enough to love you and get back an answer.

2011-12-31T22:23:00.002+08:00

The last day of 2011

I am still single, I am still awaiting for a person, I am still wandering.

No matter how many wishes I made, no matter how much tears I shed, no matter how much pain I suffered, when it come to a decision I am always not in it.

I did a lot in 2011,

I tried too hard in 2011,

I fell too much in 2011,

but I grumble less in 2011,

but I waver less in 2011,

but I cry less in 2011,

so how's my 2011?

The tradition continues, but my stubborness follows too.

I really wonder how can the person tolerate so much about my character?

And why didn't the person manage to reveal his true feelings?

Or rather is it my mistake?

It is the fourth year after an hour,

but I am taking too long to realize it.

It is the third year after an hour,

but I am thinking over it again.

It is the second year after an hour,

but I am reluctant to admit it.

It is the first year after an hour,

but I am uncertain for it.

I don't expect much in 2012, since my wish fulfilled for 2011.

I will just wish for a little and let the nature take it course.

I know, that person shouldn't be in my dictionary anymore.

I can figure it out now before everything is wrong again.

A BRAND NEW YEAR BEGINS~

Mr. Nod guy,
I hope you will be fine and happy. :)

2011-12-18T22:12:00.002+08:00

又回到最初的起點
記憶中妳青澀的臉
我們終於來到了這一天
桌墊下的老照片無數回憶連結
今天男孩要赴女孩最後的約

又回到最初的起點
呆呆地站在鏡子前
笨拙繫上紅色領帶的結
將頭髮梳成大人模樣
穿上一身帥氣西裝
等會兒見妳一定比想像美好

想再回到那些年的時光
回到教室座位前後　
故意討妳溫柔的罵
黑板上排列組合　
妳捨得解開嗎
誰與誰坐他又愛著她

那些年錯過的大雨
那些年錯過的愛情
好想擁抱妳　
擁抱錯過的勇氣

曾經想征服全世界
到最後回首才發現
這世界滴滴點點全部都是妳

那些年錯過的大雨
那些年錯過的愛情
好想告訴妳　告訴妳我沒有忘記

那天晚上滿天星星
平行時空下的約定
再一次相遇我會緊緊抱著妳
緊緊抱著妳

10 Years

2011-11-17T00:00:00.001+08:00

17/11/2011

10 years

I bet none of us willing to rake this date up right now, since we are far apart each other in the situation now.

I think, it will be better we just put everything deep in heart and stop probing over it anymore.

I.... am trying my best to change it, hoping that I did changed some.

I said, everyone will leave my side.

I always know what will happen, and always spotted on.

I.... never failed to feel alone.

This ain't a day for us to shed, it is a day to cheers for our friendship.

So I can have a ten-years, something that even I found it unbelieveable.

Then, will I have another ten-years ahead?

How long more will it reach that ten-years?

How much more must I put in for that ten-years?

How deep should I go to fulfil that ten-years?

I try, tried, trying.

I cry, cried, crying.

I run, ran, running.

But as usual, none pull me back, none accompany me, none understand me.

Therefore, I kept it to myself.

I kept everything in my heart.

So that no one can hurt me or heal me.

It is the first tenth!

I hope the second tenth will not be alone. =)

HAPPY TENTH ANNIVERSARY~

Mr.Nod guy,
it has been some time since I last mentioned you, but still so what or not I mentioned? Because you won't get a chance to see it.
I miss you almost every moment, but you didn't seems to know or rather, I didn't want you to know.
I have been trying, as always.
If you can know, please praise me. Because I can already got you out of my dictionary whenever people asked if I like anyone.
I knew very well, no matter how much I changed, how hard I tried, you will never change, so I decided to change me.
I will try not to love you anymore.

2011-10-19T21:01:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY~~~

Not that we didn't keep in contact, not that we didn't know each other enough, not that we didn't feel the sadness.

But still, what had past really past.

I know I promised you that I will be happy,

but as what I told you, sorry I really can't make it.

I have been trying my best to refrain, nevertheless did I try to cross over again.

However, to what you understand me, it is really hard to get over.

No matter what, when the time strike 12am in your clock I sent the mail over,

whatever I want to tell you is in the mail. :)

I am living my life great, you know I seldom complain over it.

But one thing I wanted to wish,

I don't want anything to spolit my plan.

Every year, we will buy each other a present.

This year, I bought you a watch and I bought myself a diary on your behalf.

When you are looking at my time I am actually writing down my life, I hope the next time we give each other the present, will be the time I start over again.

Then I will give you my diary to keep it for me.

我会幸福的！

因为，我还没有绝望。

而你，不要绝望！

因为，你还没有幸福。

2011-10-17T21:03:00.002+08:00

I remember telling myself: "he seriously don't know how you feel, because if he does, he will know how to treat you better." But the fact is: "hey! Wake this up! It's because he knew everything, that's why he keep a distance from you."

So, a angel-devil match started. No one gives me an answer. And surprisingly, I just spilt the beans like this. Without any warning, without any signs or symptoms.

I remembered how he protected me in the movie, I remembered the first trembling act while sleeping beside him, I remembered the piano piece he played for me, I remembered my every confession and his rejection, I remembered how he got angry over the smoking together issue, I remembered how upset am I after his rejection, I remembered writing our story down every single day, I remembered the feeling when walking passed those places where we once been, I remembered seeing he and his ex appearing in front of me and asked for my help, I remembered almost accepted another man to forget him, I remembered.........

I guess, I remembered too much. And all these, became 'past-tense'. I used him as my vow, that's why I got to face it. Despite he is the vow, I doubt we have any chance of being together. Even if the two years' date approach, I am still one-sided feeling. I don't belong to him, neither am I in his world. My strong-willed turned useless when I known him. I still overcoming it, maybe I won't listen but at least I knew I am working on it. It is not that I love him a lot, is because I can't find another one. So.. I am only allowed to love him.

-----------another one in the diary------------

2011-10-16T21:28:00.004+08:00

GREAT SHOW!
新还珠格格

I never tried to take China guy as my idol, but this guy really attracted my attention and I spent my time just to watch the show. =DDD
永琪和小燕子~~~

The story-line made me thought of the two-years promise,
despite it is a promise I made with myself, but I knew the outcome even before the thought appeared.

I am working hard, always did.

So please, grant me.

I won't want my vow to be broken.

2011-09-10T21:04:00.002+08:00

Mr. Nod guy,

I have been telling and warning myself it is really time to say goodbye, but nevertheless I just couldn't convince myself of doing so.

It is simply that special till I actually thinking over and over it non-stop, till I realised whatever I did will never change your mind, I should feel sorry for myself.

Instead, I should really feel sorry.

Time passed fast.

It is the third year after my confession, and it had been two months since we last seen.

How do you feel when knowing the new relationship?

I hope similar thing can happen on me too.

However, it seems hard.

I just hope to change my life so that I won't make myself difficult,

but now I am just waiting, or rather always waiting.

Waiting for a chance to start over again.

2011-07-21T21:43:00.002+08:00

July 22nd, the fourth.

All thanks to your friends, I hardly able to forget the day, or rather I dun want myself to realise that the day drawing near.
I know it ain't you the one who asked them to do so, they are just unconvinced that we were apart, they just hope for a miracle.
Never realized that we couldn't be like how we were four years back,
I guess even you knew it long ago.

You told me, there is always a position for me beside you.
but do you know I am so afraid to be by someone side now?
I am confused too.
Why must I doubt myself?
Funny eh?!

差一点我们可能就会步入红毯，
差一点我们可能就会白头到老，
差一点我们可能就会幸福快乐，
全部。。。都是差一点

我很少落泪，
因为我觉得眼泪不能化解我心里的痛。
我很少悲伤，
因为我觉得伤心似乎不适合我的个性。
我很少诉苦，
因为我觉得自己的伤悲不需要被知道。

但是，
原来我只是找不到。
我也好像，无力寻找了。

有你的四年，我被你保护着。
没有你的四年，我得学会保护自己。
被你爱着的九年，我更明白爱情。
抛弃你的爱的九年，我忘记了爱情的感觉。

我没有了你，所以更要懂得欢乐。

HAPPY 4TH ANNIVERSARY~~

2011-06-05T23:06:00.002+08:00

I remembered when the clock striked 12 on this date,
last year I used another guy trying to forget your presence.
And so this year, I got myself alone.
No one here to tell me what is the right choice, only left myself to choose the path.
So was it the right path? I am lost too.

I guess I didnt disappoint you,
since you and me chosen not to be a whole stranger situation, therefore I am working hard towards our target.
I know it gonna be tough for me indeed, however I rather put in the effort in trying than facing the facts that I am out of your world.

At least before I give up anything, I know I should refrain.
If not, things will go haywire.
The promise, I kept inside my heart and locked it up.
I just uncertain if I am able to do so, because if I used three years to love you, I should be using three years to forget you.
However, the fact is I can only keep saying and not really doing it.

It is not the first I dreamt of you,
but after so long till this dream came,
does it own a meaning??
Or just simply pity me??

Three years aint short, of course not that long too.
It able to change lots of things, but can it really change the heart?
Instead, I am using myself to prove this saying.
Prove to myself that my true love trampled by a guy I loved,
but he did gave me smile, it was just that my saddness were more than happiness.

The sky I have been looking at, intend to drifting apart from me.
I unable to hold it tight, because the tighter I hold onto, the more it wanted to escape.
I might be rational, but aint hard hearted.

2011-05-12T22:58:00.000+08:00

So it finally announced that I had graduated from RP, a school where I had been in three years, a place where changed me from a little girl to a young lady, a corner where I found my friends, a path which I see myself clearer and understand myself better.

In RP, I known people who walked in and out of my life, I recognized those who will stay, and for those who do not stayed behind, I am still grateful of meeting you.
I am already pursuing my dream I have ever since young,
but nevertheless after studying in RP, I intend to think of applying my knowledge or maybe familiar stuffs on the same field. However, I couldn't make it.
Just like I couldn't make it for NIE neither will I able to make it for SIM - Environmental Studies

Today, when I am sitting on the seat of graduand, I suddenly thinking of the first time I stepped into RP, the first day of school, the first person I met, the first crush I had, the first tear I shed, the first joy I gained, the first obstacle I faced, the first thing I learnt. Everything all FIRST, but in that moment I finally realized, everything had came to an end.

No more FIRST, only CONTINUE.

I am always a step further than you, or rather I always make myself step further away from you, so that I wont make any mistakes again, and so I wont feel any pain anymore.
I am working hard on it, just like what you wanted me to do so. Despite giving up ain't in my dictionary, unless I call the shots. Now, I guess I am ready to say "bye" firmly and without any hesitation.

I let my happiness fly, because if I can't find a reason to make myself feel happy of, I dun think I can hold any happiness.
It is either too difficult or too simple.
In my world, YES is YES, NO is NO
There shouldn't be something dangling over, waver my heart, change my mind.

Mr.Nod guy,
now I know it isn't I changed, neither did you changed me,
I am always like this. None able to change me, unless I take the move.
I await for a relationship, but awaiting a person whom understand me well is hard. Because I intend to lost control of myself too.
All the hardship finally came to an end, even though I know you won't be reading it but I still must say the last time.
I felt the pain every moment I look at you, but the pain indeed reduce much now, so I concluded I am doing well in forgetting everything.
:D

2011-04-17T21:31:00.003+08:00

15th April 2011
My 21st,
no grand celebration only went to meet Jessica darling.. =D

Thanks to your friends, whom came to fetch me out for supper,
thanks to your email, which allowed me to stop thinking too much,
thanks to the postage, that made me knew I am not forgotten..

Jordan didnt even give me a message or greeting on FB,
Sikai didnt do anything too..
HAH! Must I always get affected by guys??
Or will I always hold back by guys??

So, even I keep telling myself that I am able to wait,
when reality strike me down, I still got face it..

I took my dream and relationship on risk,
I vowed..
So please grant me, never take anything away.. Seven years ago, you took away someone, seven years later, please dun..

2011-04-01T00:31:00.000+08:00

1st of April 2011

Because if I have a chance, I always want time return back to that year, with all of you beside me.. These few days I am thinking, maybe it was because the first person left me so there will be second one then third one.. Which left me with no choice and stay alone..

I promised I wont blame myself over the incident anymore, but everytime I will think that I bring bad luck to others.. First was David, then Calvin followed by Yi Qiang now?? I bring troubles to Jessica's family and also my family, I am really a jinx no matter what should be the way I try to convince myself I am not one!

So April started, which makes 2011 four months lesser.. How should I feel turning 21?? I guess nothing changed, because I am still that rational, that logical.. Of course, the age of 21 shouldnt be any childish, at the same time I do lack of the courage..

I told myself, why will I decided to plan a celebration and invite him when he dun even has any idea when is my birthday?? So I dun want a celebration.. Or maybe I dun need a celebration..

This post I wanted to reminisces the past, when I first known David and Calvin's birthday is on April Fool, when my birthday was the day of David's death, when I cant find the present I thinking of the past few years, when........ there is no one by my side anymore..

每年，我都特别感伤。

今年，我却特别痛苦。

以后，我会怎样呢？

2011-03-09T20:51:00.002+08:00

9th March 2011

When everyone is talking about their 21st birthday, my dearest darling spending her time in the hospital,

but I know, angels will be there to celebrate her birthday for her..

Because she is working very well and hard for everything,

each breath is an earn, and she made it, all by herself..

Darling, you have been so strong and brave..

We been through so much together, I understand you better than others, I know your character too,

never give up and admit defeat always exist in our dictionary,

this time I got influenced by you,

you fought the battle all by yourself, I guess it marks another meaningful issue in your life story and also to me..

I should have convince myself earlier,

I should have know that waiting hurt myself,

I should have realized, everything is too late,

I should have...... say GOODBYE earlier..

Darling, you gave up everything to exchange your health..

It is probably my turn to give up something to return the vow,

because, I rather grab you than insist on the person whom dun belongs to me..

Mr.Nod guy,
bye..
I will keep everything deep inside my heart from now, even though I know it wont happen but if there is any mircale that strike it to happen, I guess the answer will not change..
You are the reason I rejected each one, but you arent the person that will hold me tightly,
I am just not ready for another one..
The last time I shed my tears was on 31st December 2010,
when I walked along the path, when I lost the bet, when I woke up my senses, when I vowed..
I hope, the next time I saw my tears it is not for you..
Bye, Mr.Nod guy..
You know who am I, but I changed because you knew it..

2011-02-26T00:17:00.002+08:00

原来，真正会在对方面前，

又哭又笑的，那人才是最能给你心安的感觉。

我。。。曾经有过这样一个人，

但我失去他了。

仿佛我们的相遇，就是注定分开般，

所以，我才会毫无顾忌地爱上一个认识不久又不曾把我放在心上的人，

只因为，我知道我和那注定分开的人，不会有结果。

王子，我高攀不起

骑士，我执著不了

平民，我坚持不懈

伤痕累累，千疮百孔，

依然走不出那个有你名字的世界，

我努力地爬，努力地停止回忆，

但。。。一切都是徒然！

是你的，躲不掉，

不是你的，强求不来，

而回忆，却也是唯一，人们希望不是自己的，但它却扎扎实实地属于你！

2011-02-19T13:59:00.003+08:00

So I changed a phone, while all the messages aren't with me, but dunno why it didn't hurt me that badly like the previous time..
I never intend to copy each message down, I never cry for the lost of messages, I never think of the feelings of lost..
I swore to exchange, so I trying my best to do so,
but it seems that I am still not working hard enough..

So my brother returned,
I keep looking for a job but no outcome,
as if I need to forsake uni in order to get a job..
I really thought I am fortunate or lucky enough,
but when it comes to this, I lost my words for it..

OK!
I actually blog because need to update blog,
the older I am, the lesser things I can write on blog..
Working on Jessica's present, trying hard to look for job, controlling my temper at home..
Life isn't leading that normal anymore..

2011-02-09T20:00:00.002+08:00

Soon, it gonna marks the end of my Poly life..
So, three years passed..
With laughter, tears, anger, excitement,
finally gonna say "GOOD-BYE" to RP..

The first class I had when I stepped into RP - W25F
and also the best clique I have in RP..
With Xiujing baobei, Krystl girlfriend, Sikai jiemei, Jun neighbour, Dom and Julin khakis,
I spent lots of time with them, in this three years they are those that create beautiful and memorable times in my memories..
I LOVE THEM!!!
Another person - JAMIE CHEN!!!
I LOVE HER TOO!!!

Xiujing Baobei,
wasn't able to be close with her during the times however when the both of us were together, telepathy appeared, magically..
I think there are certain unknown threads within us that pulled us together,
after the semester, we got closer and closer to each other, magically..
The more we be together, the more closer we are,
our topics never stop, our craziness never end, our relationship never fade, magically..
You know my character very well, you never hide things from me, you helped me a lot,
without you I guess I can't live my poly life that happily, magically..
YOU ARE THE MAGIC IN MY LIFE!!! <3

Sikai jiemei,
from eye candy became secret admirer turned to be the only guy I loved in my three years of poly life and now, JIEMEI..
Even though I once thought that I gonna hate him for making me so upset, but I know that the both of us just dun meant to be together..
We are better to be friends, that was why I woke up and move on.. =D
But still,
YOU WERE ONCE THE ONLY IN MY HEART.. <3

No matter what, I will make the efforts to keep everyone in contact because you guys are really very important to me..
So I want everybody to stay together, as long as possible.. =DDD

天下没有不散的宴席

但，如果每天都摆席那不就不会散了吗？

^_^

2011-02-05T21:29:00.004+08:00

CNY 2011, finally come to the end, at least for those home visit..

=DDD

Let the pictures speak the words..

Actually there are more, lazy to upload all, so ya.. =P

2011-01-30T23:50:00.002+08:00

DAMN THE PHOBIA!!!

Even though my main reason is I have no feelings against him,

but till now I still couldnt get myself over to start anew,

not really because of Mr.Nod guy, ever since I made up my decision,

however..

Somehow he changed me into like this..

I dun trust about "relationship",

I cant get myself to accept a guy that loved me instead of me loving him, not even having any touched feelings..

At least if I can develop some feelings then I wont feel bad for the guy,

but the worst part is, NO chemistry spank the tension..

If I will to accept a guy whom loved me, in the first place I wont be here Singapore, I will be far away at Vancouver already..

Nine years arent short, another year it make up 10 years,

but I cant persevere, I changed heart, I bear the consequences..

I dun blame anyone, because I know it isnt something to be regretted,

because.. I know myself well..

If I chosen the path myself, I will bear all the responsibilities..

I dun need any help, it will only show my weakness..

What I need, is just support or beliefs..

It will make me firmer and braver to fight against all the negative thoughts,

then I will win the battle..

真爱之路，从不平顺

我。。。依然寻找着。。。真爱

2011-01-25T11:01:00.002+08:00

SO when memories flashed back, I got myself into hell again..

I wrote a lot in diaries, and when reading those entries I guess it's really hard..

Have I did anything wrong??

Just this minor request/hope, but is not even granted..

I hope I chosen the right choice this time round,

I live up for my swear, so dun let me down..

This time, I add one more swear..

Dun snatch my friends away from me, I need them,

I cherish the friendship so please dun make me suffer..

2011-01-20T22:12:00.002+08:00

Hey,

I never shed a tear ever since the day I made this decision,

shouldnt I at least cry for a night prove that I loved him??

But sad to say, I didnt feel the pain,

never see my tears, never see my smile, never see my stubborness..

The pharse just keep wandering around my mind,

cant believe that time passed two years already, while I think back the scene, the memories, the person, the rejection..

How hurt can it be??

I guess, it dun hurt now..

It is not enough,

always always not enough..

When it comes to him, I often lose..

And then, the term always appear only this time become firmer and I hope it will last till the end..

I rather be less lucky,

always got the wrong person to fall for me,

and then I will hurt them like how he hurt me,

but I know, it is just my character..

我不畏惧爱情

只是害怕恋爱

深怕恋爱碰到错的人

爱情带来的伤害

理智和愚蠢

我都有了

2011-01-14T23:27:00.002+08:00

15th January 2011,

the first 15th January at 2009, a guy put me in his heart but I got a tarnished name and thinking back about the person in my heart..

The second 15th January at 2010, we quarrelled over the same old topic, but you made our relationship firmer, had a good memories kept..

The third 15th January at 2011, you are gone, I am alone, and the guy invited me once again, but I rejected this time..

Tan Yi Qiang,

how are you??

Must be living "well"??

I am leading my life good, I didnt think about him much even though not sure if I still like him or not, but I am still doing well.. =DD

Me, Jessica, Jordan

I really thought we wont like "seperate", but I think now I can only say the bond arent strong now..

I get agitated easily over Jordan, his every negative thought makes me think that he dun fit to think negatively,

the first pharse that come to my mind normally is: "WTF!!??"

To taste the pain of love,

to learn the experience of relationship,

to give the chances of secure..

How much can I still do??

Mr.Nod guy,
life isnt by our way, I know confidence aint working well on you therefore I choose to forsake my confidence and courage, because since neither this can change your mind..
I wondered once, if the words were real but of course those words were real at that moment, but I didnt get a chance to continue what were able to carry on..
Now, I did well..
You did well too..
If not, I seriously aint able to make this decision and doing well..
Thanks, I will work hard to acheive the outcome we both yearn..

2011-01-07T22:19:00.002+08:00

FYP finally come to an END~~~~

Thanks everyone that involved in this project,

BAOBEIs~~~~~

So it finally marks the last fourth week in RP,

today I feel the nostagic when taking pictures,

I really hope to be with all FRIENDs always always~~~

=DDDD

2011-01-01T23:11:00.001+08:00

I am still not strong or courageous enough to be alone at Pasir Ris park,

the only thing I did well was I came home and countdown with my family instead,

I never know it is so dark at that pathway, I never know it is so cold at that time,

I really thought I can bring myself over to there, but indeed no..

So this is how it should feels??

After decided to put down everything, felt that nothing stucked within my heart felt relieved,

therefore, I did the good move??

After 3 years, after the time I step closer to you, after I finally feel tired,

I made this decision..

2009,

should had make up my mind at that time, shouldnt have continue, insisted on my sentence,

after all I am the only that remember it..

2010,

I kept the feelings clear, wishing or praying over the same wish,

but still... never granted..

Then now 2011,

I chose to stop everything here,

I really put all my efforts, really love you as much as I can, really waited as long as I can,

but the answer also following me for the past two years,

so it is time for me to wake up my senses..

Xiujing said, if only I can forget,

but she forgotten, my dearest friend changed me alot..

My friend made me realized that,

life is unpredictable..

Whatever we wished might not come true, always get wrong at the final lap,

then I should be more realistic..

It is painful,

but if I continue it will hurt more..

It is tearful,

but if I continue it will tears more..

It is beautiful,

but if I continue it will turn different..

So..... I give up

我输了，你赢了

我输给你，而你赢了我

我不相信爱情会再回到我身边，

因为现在的我，视爱情为奇迹。

但这奇迹，我选择拿来换我朋友的健康，

至于我，等待一个爱我的人来找寻我。

2010-12-30T00:50:00.002+08:00

I hope to leave a post before 2010 end, and ya....

What have I done in 2010??

Think through lots of things,

been through farewell, grown up, tears, laughter, anger, surprises,

but what I got back??

TYQ leave my world,

Mr.Nod guy never will be by my side,

my dearest friend gotten negative result of her health,

should I been through all this??

I swore,

if my chances of getting a new relationship can exchange for a good health for her, I am willing to change,

and so the chances got taking away faster than I gotten it..

I spent years for this chance, but it taken away within hours..

GOOD JOB ar??!!!

I always never learn my mistake,

I always know how to console others,

I always hoping for things that never fulfil on me,

I always failed..

Never for once in my 20 years' life, never..

Can I exchange my life for hers??

Seeing her with so many friends, I thinking how many friends will really shed for me if I exchanged with her??

I will rather let her see my pain than I suffering from her trauma still need to face the reality of his rejection..

I am not as brave as before..

Hey,

I have this thought..

I gonna go beach for countdown, by my own if I cant find a person to accompany me..

How cool can it be??

Mr.Nod guy,
you win again..
Trampled my faith once again and tear it into pieces which even harder for me to join it back, I must thanks you..
Because the hurtful I fell, the more I will escape from it, the more I wont touch it,
the more.... I wont trust it..
There wont be a person to hold for me when I fall, so I choose to be careful my own..
That night, that answer, that stubborness,
I cant find it back, I guess it buried together with the answer..
As friend, I will try my best to refrain, this time it is for my sake..

2010-12-28T23:09:00.002+08:00

是不是我太幸福了，所以得让我失去些什么？

是不是我离快乐不远了，所以得面对些什么？

是不是我成熟了，所以要能看得开？

Please, I am willing to exchange Mr.Nod guy for her health,

I can forsake the efforts, just purely wait for the miracle to come,

and if I do so, please bless for her health..

Mr.Nod guy,

I am afraid..

I really hope that you can be there for me,

and this point of time, stay by my side and console me..

But even if I typed the message, even if I keep telling myself the next minute I will send the message, but......

I cant get over myself..

Please, 2011 can you be good??

I beg you, please.......

我虽然会舍不得，

但你一定能理解我的，对吗？

2010-12-25T16:33:00.003+08:00

So it was another time..
Same like 2009, and welcoming 2011..
I hope this tradition will carry on even after we graduate..
=DDDD

Sweetest moment,
contented feelings,
uncertain answer,
everything started from last night..

The person who say love always lose a hand,
and I always reveal my real heart..
That's why,
I lost every battle..

I pray for new beginning, aim for goal, hope for love

2010-12-23T23:23:00.002+08:00

Everything remain the same as last year,

nothing changed, not me and not you..

I asked someone the same question,

I thought if he can give me a different answer maybe I can figure out something,

and ya.. He really gave me a different answer..

If you ever remember, I asked you this question before

"if I tell you I drunk will you come and pick me up??"

your answer was: "if I am there I dun mind, but confirm you have friends around that can send you home.."

But today I gotten another different answer: "if you need me to pick you home, just give me a call.."

So which is better??

I am confused too..

When everything started to return the past, I realized I haven learn my mistake always make the same mistake..

When I thought everything can at least be hidden, then I realized the more I hide, the more I feel the pain..

When you chose the path at that night, I realized we finally cant be together..

原来，对爱你的人幽默，其实是在对他残忍

时间，在我们不经意时已经过了一年，

而我们，也同样过了三年。。。

2010-12-16T23:44:00.003+08:00

How I hope someone can pass me the answer sheet to all my questions, I seriously hate to think of such things at this timing..

So what if the period come back??

Does that means I gonna torture every moment from now on??

Does that even make any sense??

I dun see the need, so what the fuck happened on me??

There is always a time I miss the man so much till I need to drink or cry so that I can feel relieved, and I guess thanks to the man I can really cry or drink a lot when the times come..

Tonight, I chosen to be awake and face the reality, and how I hope facing reality in a more effective way..

Maybe even I lost my way,

what should be the right way, what should I do next,

I have no ideas too..

The story, I stopped..

I had the thought to continue, but I have no thoughts how to continue..

If the way I face this relationship can be like the way I quarrel, it might be easier..

20 years old

it shouldnt be the age to grumble or complain over singlehood,

indeed it is the time to think of future, think of money..

But I guess I still stand at the point and turning around, thinking that the world is moving while I am moving, but the fact is even if I stop moving, the world will also never stop for me..

Maybe life will be easier when we graduate,

but I know I rather face the saddness attack than facing the truth that I will get lesser chances to see him after graduate..

I really cant bear it..

哭了，

痛了，

恨了，

但。。。也爱了

2010-12-10T20:57:00.003+08:00

I just wanna update my blog, because TWITTER is the new blogger~~~~

2010-12-03T12:38:00.002+08:00

2010 coming to the end soon,

recall what have I done in this entire year??

I guess nothing but studies, FYP, figuring out who I walked towards too..

And so once again, I failed to get myself attached in 2010..

Let's wait for 2011 and see if I am going to be single again??

Christmas wishes, New Year wishes, Birthday wishes

every year wished for the same things, but always one that left unfulfil..

However, I wont give up hopes,

if not I am going to left with nothing..

Good things worth the wait,

good person worth the love too,

I will wait for the person I loved,

since there is no one like him appear in my life right now..

我向天起誓，

我会快快乐乐的。

2010-11-29T13:03:00.000+08:00

Finally calm down a lot,

it had been a long journey for me..

Nothing changed eh??

I guess everything back to the same like how you first left me behind,

and that was when I fell in love with another guy and totally forgot how much you have given me in these eight years..

SO now, can I fall for another guy again??

It seems like a silly question, didnt I have someone in my mind there is why I refused leaving with you??

I cant imagine till the end I still chose this path,

I really thought you can change my mind, but till you told me the reason I changed was because of him then I realized you are right..

Whatever is it,

that didnt change any facts, because I still picked this path myself..

And I finally knew it,

no matter how loud I screamed, no matter how courageous I walked, no matter how firm I said,

ended up, I still hurt myself, hurt you..

And you wont be back like the past, no more birthday wishes upon your return, no longer have you to be by my side if I meet any problems..

Now I think back, if I didnt came into RP, if I picked the path that have you, if I hold onto tightly, does everything that happened on us be a little happier??

It really proved the saying right,

"everything is destined"

if you didnt leave me behind in the first place, I wont fall for him,

if I didnt confess, you wont grab the chance to come back and console me,

if the scene didnt repeat, we wont be thinking that we were back at the past..

I promised that I will grab tightly onto the happiness in next turn,

I promised that I wont shed much tears after you are not around me,

I promised that I can face the reality bravely,

I promised that I am still the old DAPHNE you fallen for,

but do you know that, I dun think I can live up to your expectations..

我把我们的故事再看了一遍，

从我们相识，

到和Calvin在一起，

到David离开我们，

Calvin结婚，

你的告白，

我们的相爱，

原来。。。我们的回忆时如此的多，

多到让我足够好好欣赏一辈子了。。。

2010-11-26T22:29:00.002+08:00

王子就算假扮成平民，努力学习仿冒着平民的一切，

但他依然是流着贵族血统的王子，

不可能成为一个普通的平民。

女孩，一再忘记自己不是公主，

即使知道不可能与王子白头到老，甚至还怀疑过自己对王子的真心，

可女孩没想过放弃，一直到第一次的离别让女孩的心有了个答案，

但没人明白，女孩的心还是会痛。。。

或许王子和女孩只能注定擦身而过，

他们停留下来的日子，只足以证明两人是情投意合的情侣，

可是却不是分不开的恋人。

因为，如果真的深爱，不可能舍得放手。。。

女孩答应王子，她会找个平凡的男人来爱她，

但王子却无法允诺女孩，他能找个公主来代替女孩。

因为女孩的身影，已经深深的刻在王子的心里，

那个流着血，流干泪，流动着的心，

不能再容纳另个人，更别说是公主了。

王子静悄悄地走进了女孩的心里，

女孩并没有做好准备接受这样的恋情，

或许她已经经历了别于一般的打击，

所以对‘爱情’这字眼无法深入地透视。

女孩万万没有想过，王子是对自己有意思，

她只是心疼地望着、陪着王子，

原来，两人不知道的就是爱苗其实已经在各自的内心里发芽了。

迟来的爱情，

让两人十分不舍，

但是依然顺应天意，一步步地走向命运的轮盘。

他们很清楚，冲破轮盘只会遍体鳞伤，

不是他们害怕受伤，而是两人都在为彼此着想，

两人都舍不得对方因为自己而被伤害，

所以，彼此都忍着痛，分开。。。

王子，

女孩想对你说：

“请你开始为自己着想吧！我会好好地过没有你的日子，会努力地步上我的梦想，即使可能不会如愿，我还是会很努力的！幸福，或许在你离开后，我依然没法得到。不过，我能答应你，我不会放弃寻找自己的幸福，因为我知道，只要我能幸福，你也会幸福的！王子，请你一定要珍重，不要辜负了我们当初拥有的梦想！我深信你一定能做的更好，因为你知道永远会有个人打从心底支持你，永远会有个人对你深信不疑。”

王子，女孩在这儿和你说，

她曾经爱上一个落入民间的王子 - 陈毅镪

她曾经想过和王子昔手过一生，还规划好了未来，

她曾经为了王子深信永久，

她曾经把王子放在心里最重要的地位，

她曾经愿意不顾一切地和王子牵手在一起，

可是，她的那些曾经不再会出现了。

女孩做了无法回头的决定，

只祝愿王子能一切安好，这样她就不愧此诀了！

陈毅镪，

我曾经深爱你。

对不起。

2010-11-24T12:22:00.003+08:00

The more I stopped myself of thinking, the more I realized the time is drawing near,

in less than 3 days time,

I had been telling myself, I am the one who pushed him away but I cant control myself of not thinking about the life without his accompany..

How selfish am I??

Now I think back, if I can quarrel lesser with him in the past, if I can be more firm in my stand of not letting him step into the society again, if I can spend more time with him, maybe now we wont be that unbearable..

The time we have right now is after my school, he come over to drive me to his house or go have dinner together,

it seems never enough for us..

I had been reminding myself,

Daphne, dun be upset cannot regret, you chose this path then face the consequences,

I really hope to do till no regrets, but I felt the pain deeply into my heart..

历史一再重演，

我们的结局却没有因次而有所改变。

是我太固执，

还是你太善良？

我想，这是个没有答案的问题。。。

2010-11-21T00:07:00.002+08:00

I know, we shouldnt quarrel..

I know, we should be loving..

I know, we shouldnt cry..

I know, we are not meant to be..

Coincidentally, the date falls the same..

27th August 2008, 27th November 2010

I wish to convince myself it is just a coincidence, not fated..

But who knows the answer??

I must have been too overboard nowadays??

Ever since I am clear of my own heart, never spare a thought to you, just go by my way, finally irritated you and made you picked the date so early??

I shouldnt be that selfish,

I am in the fault, really in the fault..

There is no longer 'YOU' in 'MY' life,

only 'OUR' memories that spending the times with me,

what left behind till the end, can only be 'memories'..

So nothing stay by my side forever,

one day David left without any signals,

and then Calvin married after my stubborness,

so the end, you left because I changed heart..

就算我心里其实有个角落，

一直在呼唤着你，

但我没法做到，毫不顾忌。

比起我们的爱情，你还有更沉重的抱负，

而我不愿成为你另个抱负。

我们，

从此就分为，‘你’、‘我’

只有提起回忆，才是‘我们’的！

2010-11-17T00:15:00.002+08:00

The 8th year for our friendship,

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY~~~~

17/11/2010,

I always love this date, but I also know after this year I am going to keep this date in heart and never able to celebrate anymore..

Couldnt imagine you guys have been in my life for 8 years,

when I first started with my life, when I been through so much things,

you guys are always there, supporting me, stand up for me, accompanied me through saddness and happiness, I really LOVE you guys!!

Calvin is leading his life real good, happily living with Alice and his two kids,

he never want this life at first, keep saying those things that he cant do, but seeing how he treat Alice right now, I know my decision was right..

I learnt alot from them,

I believed you did too..

You always love me more than I do and always love me longer than others,

what changed us??

Is it really my heart changed, or simply we cant fight against DESTINY??

Then I guess I am going to lose everytime,

I told myself wont give up the next time, but who knows??

Anyway, gonna give the visit a miss this year..

I am going myself, because there is no longer someone to go with me,

I know David wont mind, because he can see everything happening on us..

Life is unpredictable..

I guess this is why we should cherish our life more..

HAPPY 8TH ANNIVERSSARY!!!

To : Calvin, David and Yi Qiang..

And, I really LOVE you guys..

=DDDD

2010-11-14T21:17:00.002+08:00

我学会，不再说‘对不起’

一直到你离开的那天，我才对你说。

我们。。。不要在这段时间里说‘对不起’，好吗？

等待再等待，

回应我们的依然是残忍的结局，

我曾经感激上天让我遇到了你，

可是现在，我却在责怪上天让我离开你。

就算找回了失去的勇气，

我还是没有继续追求的自信。

不要和我做那种约定，

我还是会照着自己的方式幸福的，

这点，我还能答应你。

不是你不够好，

而是我不能好好爱你，

但你需要的，却是个能爱你的人。

不要只为我着想，你自己不会为自己想想吗？

你做的已经够多了，

是我太过分，滥用了你的痴心来满足自己寂寞的心灵，

应该是我乞求你的原谅才对啊！

我不知道没有你陪伴的日子，我会怎么办？

毕竟，你从我懂事以来就一直在我生命里，

不曾离开过，我也从来不觉得你会离我而去，

可是，随着年龄我渐渐发现，

真的没有任何东西能长久。。。

我会好好的！

会好好的吃饭，

好好照顾自己，

好好念书，

好好的幸福着。

而你，也请允诺。。。

*爱你的话都在这里*

2010-11-11T23:11:00.000+08:00

11/11

11.11

I made two wishes today, will it come true??

I dunno, but I guess always fulfil the first two and not the last one..

I must learn from my mistakes, always fallen into the same trap again and again..

FYP report need to be done soon,

then can say BYE-BYE to RP partially before December,

and finally I cleared my CE points, which means I can just focus on my studies not thinking if I cant graduate without clearing the CE module..

=DDDD

I hate to admit we are going to graduate,

this is the fifth week of this semester, 10 more weeks to go..

Yes, it should be something to be glad of, but I am just afraid,

what if those good friends stop contacting each other??

I know, a bit too paranoid but ya..

2010 ending soon,

last year I hope this year will be better, but when I recall what had I done in this year surprisingly to realise that nothing much..

Gone through alot??

I think always the same, when the feelings come and goes, when I cant find any courage for that simple question, when we are still the same..

Next year will be better??

I hope so, a bit special or surprise??

After all, it is gonna be my 21st..

当我想起我们在一起的画面，

奇怪的发现，我居然能够为我们的回忆添加更多的色彩。

或许你不明白的，应该就是我藏在笑容里的眼泪吧？

还是，你的答案一直都不曾改变过？

那。。。为什么我还是没法清醒呢？

2010-11-07T23:01:00.002+08:00

Finally some pictures for the blog, the rest put on FB..

=DDDD

I always need to forgive and forget,

and when I always did, you dun even bother to rake it up when we quarrelled instead you mentioned about those times that I didnt agreed..

I seriously have no ideas what more should I do,

not that you dun love me, is just that you are too paranoid or sensitive over certain things..

OK, fine..

Quarrel too often will ruin our relationship, so better shut up..

2010-11-04T23:41:00.003+08:00

有得必有失，

我想当我失去了勇气，

老天相反地给了我机会。

我一定会好好谢谢它，

给了我，一个我祈望以久的机会。

是该满足，不该贪心。

所以，我谢谢这个难能可贵的机会。

2010-11-04T11:28:00.002+08:00

I lost again,

"never lose hopes"

it never fall on me, because I always need to face the reality..

I thought just at least like me look at him from far, I will be contented over such minor action but now, even such minor action cant be done..

It is my punishment??

Then I guess it is a little too harsh for me,

why cant even grant my little wish??

In the other hand, I should be happy for him..

He is moving on to his dream, he know what he wants, he hope to grab his dream,

the only thing I cant get over, is he might leave beyond my sight..

I have already difficulties seeing him often, if he really decided how much more can I see him??

I am not as courageous as I think of,

cant really handle things like that right now, how will I settle things in the past??

Out of a sudden, I missed him..

Miss him deeper than normal, wanting to talk to him even more,

but I cant get myself to do all those..

I guess this is the only way to finally cut off each piece of contact with him,

which means I finally should give up on him already..

OK,

end of this topic..

I dun wish to continue thinking about it..

原来，每个人真的都会离开我。

我爱的，爱我的，

一直到最后，他们都会离我而去。

2010-10-31T19:28:00.002+08:00

I dunno how many "LAST TIME" must I mention,

because November is drawing near and I hear nothing from you..

Despite now you are right beside me,

I still feel the uncertain, hanging on the top and driving crazy soon..

You always deceive me, non stop..

The funniest thing is, I keep falling into the trap..

I know this is wrong, super wrong!!!

But why am I still doing all this??!!!

I must be real crazy..

OK, drop the subject dun wanna ruin the mood for today..

Actually want to go Sentosa for HALLOWEEN celebration, but YQ said I scared those scary stuffs no point going,

then I want go Night Safari, at least can take tram around and see but YQ said I got night blindness what is the point to go,

so ended up went to his house celebrate with his bunch of brothers..

It is not the matter of being 'lightbulb',

I think the atmosphere is more important because just with YQ, I think can bored till max!!!

He can be romantic, if I asked him too,

but everything I need to say out, what is the point??

So I rather spent time with a bunch of friends, of course except for those memorable dates..

如果我落下一滴眼泪能让你回头，

那我愿意哭都眼睛红肿都无所谓！

可是如果我的眼泪让你内疚，

那我选择转身离开。

He is looking for me already,

BYE BYE~~~

*i wish, i wonder*

KPOP fever~~~

2010-10-26T23:04:00.003+08:00

KPOP fever this few weeks, I kinda of regret didnt went for the KPOP night which ended few days back, and now I gotten the news that tickets Super Show 3 is drawing near, next month can start purchasing but I seriously not sure whether should I go or not??!!

If I lost something and I gain another, I guess I lost my faith in joining NIE but I might gain the success to my bursary??

Just allow me to think this way..

OH YA,

this few days keep feel like drinking and clubbing,

already trying my best to refrain but can I just club another time??

PLEASE!!!!

FYP still going on, report submission is on next month but no much stress yet,

just created a Live Journal too, which means gonna post in blogspot and live journal both at times, but this few months feel reluctant to blog, twitter seriously became the most effective blog now.. =DDDD

And, special diet gonna start next month on the 1st November, as in I going to cut down my total fats consumed, thinking of maintain a better body figure.. =P

I realized I have lots of unhealthy habits,

no matter in my lifestyle, preception of love, communication, befriend,

but for once I feel that some of the habits cannot be kick away, because it is just me..

Nowadays keep chatting with guys about the differences between guys and girls,

put myself in their shoes and thought of what they are thinking,

kinda fascinating, as guys will actually feel in such a way..

=DDDD

*i did what you say, but did you saw it?*

2010-10-22T22:26:00.002+08:00

22nd again, 39 months, 156 weeks, 1092 days, 26208 hours, 1572480 minutes, 94348800 seconds..

He told me that time might be leaving in this day, but who knows he didnt even bought any tickets, because he already planned to buy on day ticket..

So till now, I still dunno when he leaving, he also not sure about it..

I just hope when that day reached, I can control my tears..

His birthday was awesome,

finally not bringing me to those without air-con restuarant,

seafoods AWESOME!!!

Clarke Quay really nice nice in SEAFOOD..

=DDDDD

So he managed to find the present among those bears on his bed,

despite I gave him like 3 or 4 hints beforehand, his brain not good still..

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA..

Anyway, he like the present which is expected..

=DDDD

Marina Barrage tomorrow, as a belated celebration for today, for 39th month of us..

关系非凡不代表复杂，

只是我不愿去理清楚，

只要我自己爱，有什么不行的？

Will there be times that I gonna break with a boyfriend after I found another I love, then the situation repeated again and again,

so till the end, I left with alone..

I will then now waiting for the guy who can say what I am thinking without me saying anything, keep falling in love to capture the right feelings..

So wait, waiting, waited..

=DDDD

2010-10-19T02:34:00.000+08:00

19th October, 2010
24th Birthday
To a baby boy whom came to this year 24 years ago,
walked into my world, grabbed my hand and loved me as much as he has, as long as he can..
TAN YI QIANG,
HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY~~~~~~~

生日快乐
真的希望你永远快乐
^_^

First surprise:
My gift is wore around the neck of Mickey

Second surprise:
I pasted words all around his room

Third surprise:
A letter that touched me and your heart

Hope you like everything..
And this is really the last last time..
=DDDD

2010-10-15T18:10:00.002+08:00

命运

它一点一滴把我推向你，

是你在祈求我的归来，

还是我的要求太过分？

有得必有失

所以，我失去这个机会，得到的会是什么呢？

我不甘心！

我一定会再努力的！

就算一大群人告诉我，在你身边才是最幸福的，

但。。。我不想没有努力就放弃！

陈毅镪

你什么都好，唯一不好的是，

你对我不够狠心！

这也是为什么，让我最痛心的！

Mr.Nod guy,
I write those thing in FB, but dun seems to attract your attention, of course because I am a nobody in your life..
Karma
I just need want to have the courage to clarify my doubts, if only anyone can transfer their courage to me, then I might get an answer which relieve me..
I miss you,
like always without failed..
But I know cant be any greedy, because I have no stand for anything..

2010-10-12T01:27:00.003+08:00

Baby told me he is leaving soon,

maybe the same date as the previous time he left,

the 22nd..

So I felt the pain, felt the sadness, felt the loneliness, felt the guilt..

Baby, must you really pick that date??

I dun see the need to pick the date, but why must you insist??

Hoping to see the history repeat, or just it is a must??

I dunno, seriously I am confused..

Looking through those past posts, I realized I am actually talking about him everytime,

and everytime I thought I given him up, but it ended up to be a NO, therefore I even give up hopes to believe if I am really still in love with him..

Anyway, he wont be coming to me and tell me, he is actually in love with me??

So what's the point for me to holding onto those foolish thoughts and hurt the person whom loved me the most??

I dunno, really NOT SURE!!!!

Please whoever give me an answer, so that I can give it to Baby too..

I felt that I owe Baby alot, more and more, increasing everyday, each day when we are together..

I cant repay back to Baby, never ever able to repay back..

Because my heart now also dunno fly to where already, but definitely not with Baby??!!

Mr.Nod guy,

why are you still around my mind??

I never once give you away that's why I keep thinking about you??

Then could you please give me some hints??

How should I chase you away??

So that I wont pester you again and I will be relieve from the memories of yours??

I am the one who make the decision??

But why could I still see your presence??

I seriously dunno what to do right now, say GOODBYE is the first step followed by TEARS then what??

Alighten me then..

*my heart : it hurts*

2010-10-08T22:47:00.000+08:00

I KEPT MY HAPPINESS TILL NOW,

AND EVEN NOW, I CAN STILL FEEL THE HAPPINESS..

=DDDD

My prayers are heard, and came true..

I just see everything simple so that I wont feel any unfair or worthless, in the other way I still feel happy.. =DDD

Maybe Mr.Nod guy changed me so??

Because I will never be that easily contented in the past, but now for that few hours I even happy till now, crazy!!!

I guess actually I am still in love,

not only just puzzled if because I cant get him, that's why I keep holding onto him,

my doubts might be clear now??

And the answer can only given by him??

If he say "OK", then I think my answer will be "YES"

A person can forsake a long term relationship when he/she found someone whom meant for them, in other's eyes the person might be bad because a long run relationship had been destroyed by he/she, but if feelings can be controlled, then none will fall into the LOVE trap??

So I forsaked a good relationship, just for someone I known for three years, but who should be the one to blame me??

The guy that loved me, the guy I loved, or the one whom left with nothing which is me??

10/10/10

Didnt get a chance to celebrate, because Jordan isnt in good mood, Jessica isnt in good condition, frankly speaking I am super disappointed..

Will the same thing happen when we plan to go Taiwan too??

Then seriously I will be loads loads loads disappointed than now!!!!

I want go Taiwan, a MUST go plan..

Can I get a boyfriend before graduate??

So even if Jordan or Jessica couldnt make it, I can still go with my boyfriend..

OK, fat hope ar!!!!

当每件事都牵动了我对你的心时，

我想这回才是我真正能看清自己内心的时候。

我有答案了吗？

其实，答案一直都埋在我心里，

只是我不愿承认，我依然爱着他。

Mr.Nod guy,
I remembered telling myself that I gonna forget everything of you, but why did I still pull myself towards you again??
I think is because I had already gave myself a timing, 23 years old, 3 more years from now..
Actually, maybe those actions cant say anything, because you are just such a guy that will treat everyone so nice, maybe till the end I am the one who think too much, isnt it??
I always follow my heart, believe my instincts,
so now I can continue believe it again, right??
The answer keep hanging but none able to get it down,
I am going to wait for another guy that can take over your position then I can fully put you down??
Then, let me just hold onto those memories now..

2010-10-04T00:05:00.002+08:00

我不骗你，

我还是会痛。

不会没有感觉，

因为我们有着很深的回忆。

或许他出现的时间的确刚刚好，

又或者是我推你离开的时间不对，

还是我们真的注定要结束了。

在那个末尾的夏天，

和我一起熬过来的是无数个想念，

但我学会把想念埋藏起来，

而当我成功时，我却爱上了个不该爱的人。

这可能才是我最残忍的报应吧？

这次的离别和上次不同，因为我不指望你会回到我身边。

其实，我早该认清这事实，

在你决定踏上另一条道路时，我也应该潇洒地和你说 BYE-BYE。

但是我却自私地把你留在我身边，陪着我度过那段最艰难的日子，

所以现在，我决定靠自己的力量走未来的路。

而现在，

在你就要离开的前夕，我却还在思考他对我作的一举一动是什么意思。

这样的我，

连自己都快受不了了，为何你还能紧抓着不放呢？

八年的时间或许不短也不长，

太短暂因为我们时间永远不够用，

太漫长因为我们了解永远办不到。

这是不是为什么我们能如此作出这样的决定呢？

我好想听到答案的回音。。。

对不起！

我再次至上十二万分的歉意！

到最后，永远、命运、爱情、勇气，

都不属于我们，所以这次我不得不认命了！

不说再见，我说保重。

不说爱你，我说记得。

不说幸福，我说快乐。

那么了解彼此的我们，或许在能这样微笑地看待事情吧？

GoodBye, My SUN..

2010-09-30T14:37:00.002+08:00

When I choose nothing, is because there is already a way given to me..

When I say nothing, is because I had already said whatever I should..

When I stand nowhere, is because the place is too dark for me to walk through..

My life isnt perfect but not yet miserable,

I can still acheive what I want maybe some other things unsuccessful..

But I am still "young"??!!

Still got time to think or search before the right one appear, or maybe even if the right one appear I might not get a chance to be with..

I seriously cant imagine I am still wandering around him,

is like he is the one whom trigger my every sadness nerve,

I cant escape from the memories, no matter how hard I tried..

Maybe I am the one who think too much, so ya..

Never mind, at least for the time being I dun need anyone beside me..

No hopes No disappointments

Just only thinking about him doesnt mean must be with him or want him to pick me,

is just that I picked the inappropriate method to preserve our memories..

Not sure how long must this process continue, but before the process end I choose to stay quiet..

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~

当一个人发现自己因为某人的出现而改变了自己，

这时应该好好想想，某人在自己的心里占据了多大的位置。

属于你的，就算离开了你，有朝一日还是会回到你身边，

但不属于你的，如果强求，时间久了还是会离开你的。

*I hope everything can really end*

2010-09-26T23:20:00.002+08:00

Can I turn into a CLUBBING freak too??

I seriously enjoy the times inside club,

can dance on the stage, dance floor then start drinking after that went back to dance again,

the entire night is just filled with blasted music, strong liquor, maybe guys??

However first barrier to climb over is TYQ!!!

He just seems like my father, even my father dun really bother since I never drunk after that first attempt to clubbing..

TYQ can keep nagging at me for 2 hours, and "ground" me from going out for few weekends, of course I am not that obedient girl??

HAHAHHAAHHAHHAHA..

As time goes by, I started get used to SINGLE life, I enjoyed those advantages..

Maybe there are times I really need a shoulder to lean on, but if I can find a way to breathe in my one person's world, it wont be any difficult for me..

=DDDDD

ENJOY~~~~

In my three years of poly life, I learnt alot, been through alot too..

When it comes to making decision, I guess I choose correctly??

After all, 20 years old is not the age to make mistakes or wrong decision,

I think clearly of my every decision..

Grown up or grow old??

I dunno..

或许人真的会变

但是让他们改变的原因，是他们自己吗？

还是因为周遭的人、事、物，让他们不得不改变自己来迎合呢？

那。。。到底是该怪人会变，还是怪别的呢？

2010-09-24T13:21:00.002+08:00

THANKS GOD!!!!

I seen your true intention, Jacob Koh you will never know how glad I am of not accepting you at that time, because you dun deserve it after all..

You still have the cheeks to say had been waiting for me so long??

Come on, I guess I am still smart enough..

Nowadays I wondered, experience really helps??

I been through life and death, let go my most beloved ones twice in my life, got rejected everytime I confessed to a guy,

I forsaken my dignity, my courage, my confidence,

now I left with nothing..

LOVE is important in ones' life??

Of course because it is so easy to fallen into but hardly able to get out of it,

LOVE seems fascinating, that's why everyone pursue it, walking step by step towards it..

我好怕！

好怕有一天，发现自己没有如此的勇敢支撑下去，

到时候，我是否真的能够下定决心离开这个伤心地？

勇气、自信、尊严、矜持、原则

该有的，我都舍弃了，不在了。

I am waiting, waiting, waiting..

I am single, but has a super nice boyfriend..

I am emotional and rational..

I am who I am when by your side..

I am not going to change..

I guess it is really time, no more just saying..
Trust me, I will try my very best this time round, not going to talk big again..
Jessica asked me before, are you worth for me to wait??
That moment I answered YES, you are!!!
Now I know, even if inside my heart I think you are worth it, but your every action contradict with my thoughts, is time to change my thoughts..
I hope the next time Jessica or anyone asked me the same question, I can answer NO!!!
No matter if you have a girlfriend or not,
you are no longer my Mr. Nod guy, because you wont face me and give me a nod anymore..
Remember??
If I love fantasy so much, dun forget there is a harsh reality still awaits me..
I know, the most harsh reality I gotten was your rejection..

2010-09-20T19:41:00.002+08:00

If can, I really hope to be away of all these..

If can, I really want to be at another country..

If can, I really will go for my dream..

If can, I really think everything might be better..

It still seems so hard for me walk every step, I told myself not to think anymore but those thoughts still come and chase after me..

Can I be like a devil??

Everyone said it will be hard, for me..

So I should believe??

I couldnt bear to leave everything behind, despite I know by leaving will make me feel better, should I be selfish for once??

No one can tell me the answer, because they dun want to be culprit of my vanished dream..

Then, it proved that I will be the culprit to my own crashed dream..

Yes, it is a no turning back way..

坚强是我的优点更是我的缺点。

沉默是我的选择更是我的唯一。

爱情是我的信仰更是我的威胁。

原本我能够握有幸福的，但我无法选择，我背叛了自己的爱情才会有如此的下场。

我怨不得别人，只能恨自己的无奈。

请你一定要幸福，这样我才能微笑着。

2010-09-15T23:06:00.003+08:00

Baby, you are just that special.. =DD

These few days, keep repeating our arguments then cold wars ended up patching back, non stop but no much harm after all..

Because we just know our limit and seriously enjoy our relationship, no more turning back anyway, so we could only lead our life happily..

=DDDDD

I believe you should know what I really want, you never failed to understand me too, so please dun provoke me anymore!!!

HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA..

Whatever we promised each other must fulfil each single one, at least before you leave..

I want we both to have the most precious and memorable memories in our life, so that we can have enough memories to think of when we are apart..

So everyday must sweet sweet!!!!

AND AND, I finally saw your effort!!!!

You are willing to take pictures but not for me to keep, all only for you before leaving date..

OK, I will listen to you this time..=DD

亲爱的！

你可以感受到吗？

亲爱的！

我能继续下去吗？

亲爱的！

咱们一起努力吧！

I just want a normal life, without those "special" feelings, can anyone grant me??

Today is another 15th, two days later will marks one year to my failure, so it means I had fallen into love for one year plus??

Nothing much, just I dun want those feelings to haunt me down anymore..

*please*

2010-09-12T21:22:00.007+08:00

Let pictures update my life.. =DDD

Mummy's Birthday 2010~~~

10/09/2010 POWERHOUSE~~~

2010-09-10T00:51:00.002+08:00

Baby, this is our love story till the day you leave, I promised!!!!

Despite the non stoppable argument make us exhausted, but I know deep inside heart you and I still understand each other so we given in.. =DDDD

I am glad that person is you,

if it was other others, I guess the guy wont tolerate my stubbornness or over mightily,

this what you always say, "we have 8 years as foundation, I knew you were like this at the beginning.."

So thanks alot for your understanding, I wonder if I can still meet a guy like you in future, but I hope you wont meet a girl like me anymore, I felt so sorry and guilty of being a lousy girlfriend when we were together, so I seriously hope you can deserved a better one!!!

I always start the fight with you, but you always ended it first,

never for once willing to see me aggrieved, sided me when your own close friends pissed me off, protect me from your dangerous world, loved me so deeply, cherish me like treasure, I seen all the good boyfriend's criteria on you, THANKS!!!!

I said before I wanted to repay you, being a good girlfriend at this period of time,

but I always failed to do so..

You are the one who keep holding onto me, let me feel pampered and loved,

seeing you I reminded of myself in the past or maybe even now..

The shattered pieces you picked up are now one by one fixed, I saw the whole picture now, with our names on it..

I continue the way you wanted me to, I forsaked the memories he gave me,

because this is the only method to stop all the saddness..

You taught me that, I can laugh or cry in front of you, and only the person whom tell me so then allows to show my true self in front of him..

I am waiting for that person to appear..

*Baby, my heart*

2010-09-06T23:02:00.002+08:00

我好累了！

不曾停歇的争吵，流不完的眼泪，怪不停的人，

这些真的是你回来后，想见到的样子吗？

至少对我而言，我不想看见。

时间既然已经定好了，为什么还要去变动它呢？

你问我，为什么我能如此狠心，一再提醒你离开的事实，

可是你是否有想过，因为你狠不下心，所以换我来狠心。

如果在你回来办完事后，我就拥有这份勇气，不骗你，我早就狠心地赶你走了！

“如果没有他，今天我爸来电话妳还会要我离开妳吗？”

是啊！我有什么资格生你的气呢？

不就是我需要一个肩膀，所以才一直留着你的吗？

不就是我在为自己找个借口，好让我放下他吗？

但，谁知道绕了那么一大圈我还是只能在原地踏步呢？

所以，请你看清我是个怎么样的女生，

一个利用了你的善良、爱情的女生，你还要？？？

原来，在我的基因里存在了如此狠毒的因子，

才能让我完完整整地成为一个狠毒的女人！

我不想再去思考，我是不是该说些什么，

我只知道现在的我，没有任何资格谈些什么。

So I am the one who keep holding onto those memories that even you forsaked and hope to be erased away, I am the one that insisted..

No matter how long the time passed, no matter how much effort I put in, no matter how bad I tried to think about you,

the most important part is I cant find a good reason to chase you away..

Is it really true that because I cant be with you, so I ended up only think of you??

Why doesnt such situation happened when I confessed to other guy at the past??

I am so curious..

You cut off the only connection that I can used, I felt the pain..

That is why I cried last few days, while reading the diaries, while reading my past posts, while listening to songs, while thinking of those days..

I am real stupid like you said before, I thought three months were enough for me, who knows after a big round everything back to square one again..

I never wanted a restart, because you never given me a chance..

2010-09-02T23:36:00.002+08:00

作为十二星座之首的白羊，是个很有冲劲的星座，不管是计划好的，还是临时决定的，他们都会自信满满的去做，完全不会有任何的负担或是胆怯心理，在爱情国度里直来直往，在他们看来也是理所当然的，只不过对于有人总拿他们与别人比较，就特别的过敏，什么嘛，若是有意见就明说好了，不需要拐弯抹角的，白羊可没这个耐心猜测你这样对比的意思，真要挑战就直说好了。

白羊座女子

让你爱得轰轰烈烈，再让你恨得气弱游丝，白羊女子，真的可以！不生气的白羊女子是够朋友的！生气的时候却是千吨炸药，你最好走为上策！进取！乐观！旺盛生命力！构成了白羊女子的基调。

　　白羊座的女人个性坚强而举止率性，天性使然的好胜心让她处处表现出好强的作风．在她面前，男人，你一定要像个”英雄”；这意思是说你得刚毅正直，少来阿谀奉承．最好先透露出你的真才实料，所见所学来引起她的注意，勾起她对你的好奇心之后，你已经成功一半了．千万别太得意而露出极想追求她的本意，这样会吓跑她的！！

　　白羊座个性果决，很少犹豫不决或退缩。面对抉择，他们喜欢一马当先，但都很容易鲁莽，很容易后悔，或是必须付出一些代价。白羊座女性不只是点菜速度快，开车门、付帐单，一切自己来。

无论何时都能勇往直前，为了将来努力不懈。经常保持一颗愉快开朗的心，即使与人发生争执，也能在隔天表现得若无其事的样子。积极向成功目标快跑的双腿，连擅长飞奔的驯鹿都甘败下风。容易发怒。一旦被瞧不起便立刻火冒三丈。自我主义和那张喜欢挖苦别人的嘴，常使得周遭的人被那如机关枪般发射出来的言词打得唏哩哗啦。个性急躁，经常拔腿就走。那么急著去哪儿呢？

爱起来毁天灭地，恨起来风云变色的白羊女子，不是没有大脑，而是直来直往惯了！如果你们情投意合，奉劝由你来做温度计，掌握分寸进退和天气。没有任何一段感情禁得起日月摧残，五味杂陈，偶一为之别开生面，长久如此精神崩溃。白羊女子不是不想发展一段稳定的情感，说穿了，其实是心有余力不足。如果你有条件作持久战首先先检查自个儿弹药库是否充足，再配合天时地利人和，结果势必令你满意专情的白羊女子，会爱你很久很忠实。

专心的生气，认真的火冒三丈，鲁莽的评理谁是谁非，对其他的人可以，对白羊女子，别傻了！简直是在浪费能源。天雷勾动地火，在开始是美的！白羊女子不会牢记你的暴跳如雷，却会对你的明辨是非怀念不已。以智取而非蛮力。

请你务必相信，她不是一座火山，只是一位糖果小孩！为了要不到的糖果而生闷气（或者发雷霆），但是一旦有人哄，有人宠，给她糖果许诺梦想，她立刻又像要到糖果的小女孩般，心满意足。生气，只是为了引起注意。开心，因为手段得逞。害羞，绝对是因为理亏。撒娇，你给她的还不够啊！对付白羊女子，说容易也容易，只要你够修养。最怕是认真和她生气，让自己在体温38度 C时，骤升为另座火山的莽男子。小聪明不足以应付火冒三丈，耍嘴皮子更可能火上加油。和白羊女子谈恋爱，好玩就好玩在这种「精神濒临崩溃边缘」而生出智慧。退一步，何止海阔天空！！简直普天同庆呢！！

2010-08-30T22:58:00.003+08:00

OK,

I LOVE YOU!!!

AND WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY MIND..

I must admit, that freaking part is so hurtful,

one day when the person I loved most come back to my side and actually say : "you're the one in my mind, I just realised how much I love you when I cant you, when you are not by my side.."

Should I tell him "FUCK OFF!!!!", or should I reconsider???

It didnt applies on Jacob's case, and never will that happen..

I have been taught that 'impossible' is the forbidden word found in relationship, but I am just clear about my heart, NO means NO..

I always give second chances, however no one seems to be grateful so when I dun give any chances people think me differently..

I never care about others' view, at least not those I think can ignore..

So even till now, I wont hear any opinion,

love me the way I am, hate me the way I act..

My life lead in the way I want, I chosen the way, so I bear every consequence..

YQ's friends are friendly and kind but selective people,

not to those ladies???!!!

I always think I can click well with gangster, and it is true..

It is not the position/education level that is scary, is the personality and character of one that is never able to be caution of..

在我转身那瞬间，请不要抓住我。

因为我最不想让你看到的，就是我偷偷落下的眼泪！

2010-08-27T21:10:00.002+08:00

One day, I will screw that girl upside down!!!!!

OK, even though I know I dun hold any rights to say her, but make it clear that who holds a higher position in YQ's heart..

If you or your friends are stalking my blog then I can tell you, it is all pointless!!!!

I dun make my blog private because I got nothing to hide, but I guess every single one of you have something to hide from???

I also hope to be a nice girlfriend at the time being now, so when you start the argument I try to stay quiet if not you will walk off and give me time to cool down..

But I dunno how long can my temper get controlled, especially if I accompany you to that chalet, to your secondary school's party..

You keep saying I wont do so, and ask me just ignore them,

just imagine a bunch of strangers keep mugging at you saying things that are irrelevant,

seriously WTF!!!!!

OK, till now I still not sure if I am going with him, but I guess till the end I will still agree..

Please control my own temper, I might be young but at least I have manners..

That stupid TYQ praised me and trust me that I wont do anything overboard,

but if I really do, he will also side me..

女孩：“如果我和他们吵架，你会帮谁？”

男孩想了想才说：“废话！当然是妳咯！”

女孩：“那如果我翻桌，你也不介意？”

男孩摸着女孩的头：“我知道妳不会的！”

Got no time to write my story, maybe no inspiration keep stuck halfway..

And read finished all my story books, need to restock soon..

UT 3 approaching but I haven touch a single thing!!!!

I got the motivation to lose weight but lost the determination to study.. =.=

冥冥之中，上天注定了某些事，但对我而言上天还想考验我，所以才没有成全我。

而我现在只能，静静地等着上天的安排。

2010-08-25T01:16:00.003+08:00

I DID HAVE A GOOD DAY ON THE 22ND, ALL THANKS TO HIS CONSIDERATE AND CARING, ALSO THE MIND OF SWITCHING OFF HIS PHONE TO ENSURE NO INTERUPTION FOR THAT DAY..

THANKS~~~~~

He has been asking, shall he wait till his birthday then leave??

At least can let me celebrate his birthday one last time, and so we quarrelled over this issue once again..

Haix!!!!

Seriously dunno what is in his mind, ok I know, because he cant bear to leave here despite I had told him nothing will change my decision..

Am I too evil??

I guess I really are..

If not how can I say those cruel words to him, when I know his intention is for my good..

If not why will I reject a man like him, a 99% boyfriend..

I guess, not only evil I am also crazy..

Ok, he happily just ignored whatever I told him, whatever we quarrelled and went for his basketball or tennis,

so people keep saying it take two hands to clap,

when he walk off how can I quarrel alone??

Not that I am what fighting fish.. =.=

如果一开始就知道会分开，那是不是就不该在一起呢？

我曾经也问过自己这个问题，可是至今尚未有答案。

不过，我所走的每一步都在告诉我，

其实。。。我早已经知道了那答案，只是忘了怎么说罢了！

I can smile for a minor thing, but only cry for major issue,

however till now, I am not taught how to react..

Follow my heart or instincts??

Then I think there wont be any smile found at the time being, because I forgotten how to cry in the first place, how can I smile then??

*FATE or DESTINED*

2010-08-22T00:36:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 37TH...

This is really the last 22nd we can spend together, no JOKE anymore..

So the both of us will cherish the day, a special day that only belongs the two of us..

When everyone keep asking if I am attached, I guess I really do,

however after this day passed, I can only say I am out of love..

Baby, we said too much to each other till now we dunno what more we missed,

no matter how sweet our words said it still unable to change the reality..

The fact that we are apart..

At the end, I still cant hold onto my happiness fully or tightly..

I really blame for my cowardliness, I really do!!!!

How can I push you towards another girl????

How can I ignore your plead and insist on my decision???

When I realised, you had already step out of my world..

If those are what you want from me, if those can amend a little pain in your heart,

I am willing to do so..

Because, I really owe you alot..

From the day we met, till David left us, then Calvin married, now is your leaving..

In my life now, you participated most..

You were there whenever I need you,

you seen me grown up from a kid to a young lady now,

you accompanied me, been through thick and thin,

I really loved you, but...........not the same anymore..

A person who really love you, will love your weakness and proud of your strength, I met a person like this before, but I still pushed him away.. Because I cant afford to see him suffer or heart broken again..

男孩：“如果。。。那年我没答应妳离开帮会，妳想我们会在一起吗？”

女孩：“就算你没离开，也不会改变我们的身份，只要你还是‘陈毅镪’，我还是‘黄婉婷’。我们就会在一起，但。。。不会长久！”

男孩：“可是对我而言，不听妳的话，我办不到！”

So I am the one who forget, cant remember who is the one stay by my side and even keep thinking about the one whom never put his eyes on me..

That is why, I always cant get what I want..

As what I yearn are all greedy thoughts..

OK, lets plan where we going for tomorrow..

I hope it will be a long day for us, may the time just goes slowly..

2010-08-19T21:08:00.002+08:00

我只能爱你

当你握紧我的手
我决定和你走
近来再多的挫折
也绝对不退缩

当河流，都倒流
我还在你左右
一直陪伴你到时间的尽头

就算有一天
天和地都会分离
也永远不离也不弃
要和你在一起

为了你
我可以
因为爱你我只能爱你

生命交际轮回里
你是唯一不忘的回忆
真正的爱过
才算真正的活过

爱你
从此绝不放手

不曾退色的春暮
比永久还要久
痛过哭过也恨过
从未想放弃过

莫问我，要理由
爱就是我所有
就算来世你是不变的守候

就算全世界
都要来与你为敌
也还要紧紧抱着你
泪不会掉一滴

为了你
我可以
因为爱你我只能爱你

生命交际轮回里
你是唯一不忘的回忆
真正的爱过
才算真正的活过

爱你
从此再无他所求

Fall in love onto this song, super nice~~~~~

2010-08-16T22:12:00.002+08:00

那是错觉！！！

我一定能够克服心里的诱惑，让他离开我的心！

Hey, Daphne finally woke her mind up and realised everything is a fantasy dream..

However, Daphne also successfully pissed those guys up and make her life goes hay wire..

So till now, Daphne can only keep her mouth and heart shut..

I heard lots of things,

but I cant make myself to get over or stay as usual..

Because that was a huge impact..

男孩：“原来。。。妳第一个想到的人，是他？不是我？”

女孩：“对不起！不要让我在这时候作选择，我不知道！！！”

男孩：“我想。。。我可以知道妳为什么会这样想着他了。”

女孩：“可是我答应你，我会让他走出我的心中的！”

Luckily Jessica is busy about her own love life and wont hold grudges on me,

even though I know she will never blame me in fact helping me instead..

A real friend say things that hurt the most but it is the most truly words too,

I guess I have friends like this, so I should hear their advices..

Heading down to NIE for our application next year,

then rebond my hair cause I really cant tolerate my hair so messy and almost bad hair day every single day!!!!

Ok, I guess my mind calm down alot..

Please feel grateful over my own life, leading the way I should be..

*Baby, I am sorry*

2010-08-13T18:59:00.002+08:00

Firstly, just because of that FUCKING NEW YORK SKIN SOLUTIONS products, I cannot even go out enjoy freely, must super care about my face!!!!!

I am going to screw the outlet tomorrow, turn it upside down without fail!!!!!!

NEW YORK SKIN SOLUTIONS is a CON~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I should be enjoying my times with YQ, ended up can only go his house watch shows, if not accompany him go play basketball,

WTF is this???

We have already so little time together, something still keep drifting us apart??

Such a punishment man!!!!!!

Yesterday, I saw something and it seriously screwed my mind..

I thought everything have gone, at that day..

But I guess more or less it still affect my mind, dunno how much more efforts I should put in then can get rid totally??

Just when I changed the status then I saw it, what a joke??

YEAH, I told most of the people I am attached till the end of this month..

Even changed my relationship status, if this can make YQ happier, I guess I did it..

Right, YQ??

Finally the time came and there goes our love..

How about our promises to those places??

I must fulfil it before he left, nothing comes before those!!!!

OK, HOLIDAYS is here!!!!!

Going to have fun in this holiday,

CLUBBING?? DINNER?? KBOX?? SENTOSA??

Without failed, STUDY!!!!!

One more semester to graduation then we proceed to NIE~~~~~

Of course, TAIWAN trip!!!!!!!!!!!

*Baby, I really LOVE you*

2010-08-10T22:19:00.000+08:00

GOODBYE, MY LOVE..

I WILL KEEP THE MEMORIES DEEP INSIDE MY HEART, NO ONE IS GOING TO SNATCH IT AWAY, NEITHER WILL I FORSAKE IT..

PLEASE JUST REMEMBER, THIS IS A CHOICE I PICKED,

NOT YOUR FAULT IS MINE..

Everything back to square one, and I know the consequences of choosing this path,

no one to blame only myself..

Dun need to console anyone, you know the story behind it..

We always have the courage to say goodbye, but not the courage to face the facts after whatever had happened..

I can smile and sent you off again..

Because I hate crying, but I guess tears will drop down at the moment I lost my sight on you,

just like before..

Bye, Baby..

我害怕自己连抓住幸福的勇气都没有，

所以我让幸福溜走我身边。

不是不爱你，

而是我们的相爱不被允许。

笑着送你走，

是想让我们的回忆保留那一点甜蜜。

对不起，

我还是办不到。

原谅我吧！

还有。。。忘记吧！

2010-08-07T19:57:00.002+08:00

POWERHOUSE 2010

I am going PowerHouse again again, love PH lots and lots~~~~

We ruled the dance stage!!!!!

Professional clubber might be my next term in dictionary.. Like what Jessica said, 20 is a BIG number not like a 15 or 16 years old little girl~~~~

2010-08-04T12:43:00.002+08:00

或许打从一开始你就不应该顺着我的意，回来。

你看到现在的我们变成怎样了吗？

还能像当初一样吗？

我想，连你也迷惑了，不是吗？

没错！

可能是我太过于自私，一昧地要求你接受我无理的条件，

我们那看似完美，但其实已经补上很多缺口的爱情，

现在还完美吗？

还完好无缺吗？

你的提醒，你的反悔，你的隐瞒，

你希望我原谅你，但是你忘记了，其实是我要乞求你的原谅。

应该是我和你道歉，而不是你对我说对不起。

可是，你却永远不会怪我，

这点让我连最后一点的自信都夺走了。

I didnt leave our promises in vain, but neither can I hold onto it for long,

your words might sounds convincing, but spare a thought for me like you always are..

I know what you are worrying about,

and you know what I am going to answer you,

so dun make this an issue that will hurt the both of us at the time being..

Let everything stop..

Our destiny meant to stop..

So dun force, dun struggle..

Lets face it..

*Baby, you should be aware of it, something that we were reminded few years ago.. It didnt leave us, still haunting us till now..*

2010-07-31T13:05:00.002+08:00

谢谢你！

容忍了我的任性，

即使你心里有千百个不愿意，

但是因为是我要求的，所以你还是点头答应了。

谢谢你！

在这样敏感的时间点上，还是不畏惧地跑到我身边，

即便只能见我一面，你还是心甘情愿的接受了。

谢谢你！

就算将来的路不能够如我们所愿，

请你一定要记住，我们的相识是上天赐予我们最大的恩惠。

就算没有彼此在身旁，但是依然还有回忆相伴。

TYQ said, I deserved it..

Despite praying so hard for my health to recover before Friday, who knows Friday evening complication worsen..

I didnt know menes can be that painful till last night I finally felt the cramp and painfulness..

And finally got diagnosis that I had low blood pressure, NICE ONE,

which make my parents bought alot of herbs back home, decided to cook herb soup for me..

Feeling better right now,

this must be the worst illness I ever had..

No joke!!!!

One time and it wanted my life, I almost bang my head onto the wall to stop the pain..

OK, cancelled trip to Butter Factory..

T.T

I am utterly sad!!!!!!

No matter what, I will go for clubbing again, before my body defy me again..

*i am waiting for a reply*

2010-07-29T12:13:00.002+08:00

3 months ago, I fallen sick..

3 months later, I am sick again..

T.T

TYQ begged me to move over to his house, because ever since I moved to Toa Payoh already started to fall sick twice, he dun bear to see me so miserable..

If only I can do so..

But no matter where am I, if I really will fall sick means will fall sick, so TYQ dun think your house is that safe..

Please let me recover by tomorrow, I wanna go and have FUN, PLAY!!!!!

I am just afraid cannot drink much alcohol, then complain here pain there pain.. =(

At first, YQ still disallow me to go for clubbing, some more I am still sick,

but I want to GO!!!!!!

So even though how miserable am I, must still go, DUN CARE!!!!

亲爱的，

你永远会在我身边的，对吗？

2010-07-24T22:01:00.002+08:00

I cant put my mind down, couldnt make my heart follow yours and let you lead the way of my life, I am just the kind of girls that hardly able to stable my heart unless I am the one who fall in love to someone first..

Thanks for your reminding, I think that can really trigger me to think through again..

But please I cant promise anything, the same mindset you thought as well,

if I cant fulfil that promise, I rather disappoint you..

Sometime I wonder why am I such a kind of girl??

Unlike those girls whom devoted to their partner instead of caring more about own feelings,

despite I know how worse this kind of character can lead me to, but I still got no intention to change..

So I betray you, and can only hurt you..

---------------------RANDOM THOUGHTS-----------------------

BUTTER FACTORY next Saturday!!!!!!!

And FYP part one finally ENDED, WOO~~~~~~

Super HAPPY, like need to say!!!!!

=DDDDDD

OK, going to write my new story..

BYE BYE~~~

2010-07-22T00:00:00.000+08:00

22nd July 2010

3rd year, 3rd year, 3rd year

156 weeks

1095 days

WOW~~~~~

When calculating the days then realised it had been so long already,

what have we done so far??

I guess still stuck at the same position, before everything vanished or turned different..

THANKS for whatever you had given me, in these three years of relationship, eight years of friendship..

I missed the days where I leave my mind blank and waiting for you to fill up,

without worrying anything whether if you will leave me or I will say goodbye to you..

However, I know time wont turn back..

男孩说：“我知道，不过还是对不起！”

女孩回应：“那么你就继续让对不起折磨我们吧！”

男孩：“除了这个，什么我都能答应妳！”

People only remember those bad things the other party did but never think of those good things of what they did for you..

When I realized it, is always too late..

Not on time to amend everything, therefore I told myself dun do anything that cant turned back, I rather keep everything in heart than saying or mention it and hurt the both of us..

面对不一定可怕

逃跑不见得有用

放弃不代表懦弱

离开不表示停止

爱情可以是一个人的事，

但相爱却需要两个人来衡量。

Baby, lets work harder together..

I am not going to let you suffer or tolerate my temper,

I hope we can just stay side by side as long as we can,

then we will have no regrets when we leave each other again in the future..

~~~~~~~HAPPY 3RD ANNIVERSARY~~~~~~~

2010-07-18T18:18:00.002+08:00

Out of a sudden, realised that my blog didnt update so come to update..

TYQ said because of him, I no need blog also can release my stress, so he rather I dun blog, if not normally I blog means something couldnt tell him or let him know..

OK, YOU know me very well, enough???

If I say we never quarrel for quite some time, the next argument will be here soon,

so better dun mention anything, it is like a curse!!!

But we are like pretty fine nowadays, excluded his randomly temper,

I guess he is taking revenge on me, treating me back like how I treated him in the past..

What to do??

Just give in to him, prevent any serious argument..

Can we start fulfilling those promises you made before World Cup??

The first place, lets go to Sungei Buloh!!!!

I miss the view there seriously!!!!!

OK??

(if you say NO, see what you get from me!!!)

I am a girl with no confidence on loving a person for long, therefore I chosen not to love, stay away from then I wont get hurt or hurt anyone.. I am not selfish, if not I wont care about others feelings, I can ignore them and continue hurting them, but I dun bear..

倒数计时，

它似乎离我们很近，却是我们怎样都触摸不到的。

2010-07-15T23:11:00.000+08:00

15^th July 2010

THANKS, felt so grateful to myself that I had actually endured through this 3 months despite some minor drama filmed out in between, but still I guess it didn’t bothered me much or anymore..

Maybe the situation just turned back to the past, the year that I supposed to face another relationship and forgo this one..

Never for once I regretted, but I guess I am sadded..

Of course, who won’t get upset over such things??

After all I am just human being, needed care and concern and most importantly LOVE..

However, after such scenario happened it turned me less courageous, ‘lost interest’ was what Jessica gave for herself, but I am just not ready for any one of the kind..

There is only one way road and no turning back..

I dun intend to turn back too, because the person I most hoped to appear will never be there..

So I looked forward and found out that the one who actually cherished me is waiting for me in front, waiting for me to walk towards him..

I walked, but never did I noticed he is actually drifting apart from me..

I won’t stop searching for the one but neither will I put my entire heart onto it..

Because I lost faith, lost courage, lost time and even lost my heart..

The day I found back all I had lost will be the day I found the one that opened my heart..

我把我们的故事从头想了一遍，

但是想到最后，都是以伤痛来收场。

所以，我决定不再去想了。

因为。。。我舍不得让自己难过。

2010-07-12T22:24:00.002+08:00

Till the end, you still leave me..

And I dun have the courage to hold you back..

When the both of us realised, we had already separated..

Fall in love is easy, how to trust it is hard..

You given me your great trust, while I rejected it and thought of myself..

I apologized but you smiled and said its okay..

Was it really fine??

Or you dun want me to feel guilty??

I said nothing..

But you nodded..

I hugged you..

But you cried..

I leave you..

But you stayed..

SORRY

I meant nothing..

Just not sure how should I decide..

I am selfish, not as thoughtful like you are..

So I let you down..

在这段时间里，我懂了。

转身离开是不想让你看到我的眼泪，

而你轻轻地挥手要我走，是不想让我内疚。

我们在两条平行线上，往未来出发。

就算爱你，还是要让你走，因为我还不能过自己这关。

2010-07-10T20:42:00.005+08:00

I know even if 10 years, 20 years down the road,

our friendship/relationship will never fade off..

All because everything is FATED~~~~~

---------------PARTY TIME--------------

Jessica with Jordan's artistic hat, even Jordan hardly get the chance to wear it..

She was the MahJong QUEEN of the night, be banker in a row..

The both of them snapping my picture~~~

GUYS, video watching was FUN!!!!!

=DDDDDD